{"id":3786,"date":"2022-02-28T05:34:00","date_gmt":"2022-02-28T05:34:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mabelslabels.com\/blog\/?p=3786"},"modified":"2022-02-28T16:30:16","modified_gmt":"2022-02-28T16:30:16","slug":"tips-on-dropping-the-mom-guilt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mabelslabels.com\/blog\/2022\/02\/28\/tips-on-dropping-the-mom-guilt\/","title":{"rendered":"Thanks Tips… On Dropping the Mom Guilt"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

We all have mom guilt at some point. I don\u2019t know one mother who hasn\u2019t felt the pressure of balancing relationships, childcare, career, etc. and feeling that we\u2019re falling short of what\u2019s expected of us.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Guilt is a moral emotion<\/a> that occurs when a person believes or realizes\u2014accurately or not\u2014that they have compromised their own standards of conduct or have violated universal moral standards and bear significant responsibility for that violation. Guilt is closely related to the concept of remorse, regret, as well as shame. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/em>But where do these standards come from? Why do mothers have so much guilt? Who set the bar? Our society and culture have taught us guilt. Our community has set expectations<\/a> of what we\u2019re supposed to do and accomplish, and there unrealistic.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

These expectations were set in the 1950s<\/a> before women entered the workforce and lost our villages. Then, women entered the workforce, got paid less, and continued to carry out most of the domestic and parenting duties. We have the \u201csecond shift\u201d of workers and mothers. So, when one area falls short or strays away from those duties, we feel guilt.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Among my mom-friends, I\u2019ve noticed that we constantly need to justify our actions. Guilt is closely related to the concept of remorse, regret, as well as shame. <\/em>We feel shame, and we\u2019re trying to justify it and ease our guilt. We sometimes feel like we need to compare hardships to justify our actions without guilt.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Recently a mom friend told me how horrible of a day she\u2019d had, that she\u2019s still trying to learn about her daughter\u2019s new diagnosis, and so this day was particularly long and hard\u2026 so that\u2019s<\/em> why she took a few minutes extra in the shower. Is this where we are?? We need to explain our hardships so we can shower without shame or guilt!?   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is absurd, and it\u2019s got to stop. But therein lies the problem. How do we unlearn what society has taught us and change culture? So, for now, let\u2019s just talk about tips on dropping the mom guilt. We\u2019ll smash the patriarchy in another post.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I got tired of hearing \u201cdon\u2019t feel guilty\u201d gee thanks, tips! It\u2019s all well and good to say don\u2019t feel guilty, but it\u2019s a feeling; how do you stop feeling the feels??  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tips on dropping the mom guilt, it’s a work in progress:<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
FLIP IT: From aren\u2019t to are<\/strong>:<\/h6>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t focus on what you aren\u2019t<\/strong> doing well; flip it and find out what you are<\/strong> doing well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feel guilty because we are feeding our kids a frozen pizza for dinner? Don\u2019t tell yourself you aren\u2019t<\/strong> providing your kids a healthy meal.   FLIP IT: I am feeding my kids. I am giving them something they like, and they will have full tummies tonight.  <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feel guilty about getting up early and selfishly exercising instead because you aren\u2019t<\/strong> using the time to make a hot breakfast for your kids?  FLIP IT: I am taking care of myself to care for my family. I am providing an excellent example of a healthy lifestyle and ensuring that I remain energized today.  <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feel guilty because you took a half-hour to read your book away from your family? Don\u2019t tell yourself you\u2019re being selfish. FLIP IT: I\u2019m prioritizing myself to feel my best and modeling healthy behavior to my kids<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reset your expectations:<\/strong><\/h6>\n\n\n\n

Every time something in life shifts, shift your expectations. For example, is your partner working an hour later each night? Reset your expectation- you may need an extra takeout night or have one less bath a week. Don\u2019t expect yourself to manage the same way when things change.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remind yourself of the fallacy:<\/strong><\/h6>\n\n\n\n

Common myths we\u2019ve been taught tell us what a \u201cgood mother\u201d is. A good mother\u2026 manages home and work seamlessly, spends quality time with their kids, has a clean house, never yells, cooks healthy meals, etc. It all seems to be about what we\u2019re doing or not doing. But, let\u2019s remember, we are human beings -not human doings. So, these \u201cthings to do\u201d don\u2019t define a good mother. These things are just myths about what being a good mother looks like, but not actually what a good mother is. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Use social media wisely:<\/strong><\/h6>\n\n\n\n

Going against societal myths is difficult, especially with the impact of Tik Tok and social media we have in our face all day long. We\u2019re a comparing culture. Social media exacerbates everything; it\u2019s also a fallacy.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

  •  Unfollow anyone who\u2019s fake or doesn\u2019t make you feel good about yourself <\/li>
  •  Question everything. Is her house actually spotless? Remind yourself that she\u2019s probably standing on a pile of crap at her feet off-camera. At least you aren\u2019t kidding yourself.   <\/li>
  •  Limit your time.  <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n

    There are a few tips. But keep in mind, doing tips on dropping the mom guilt won’t happen overnight, or completely. But always remind yourself, it’s not you. It’s unrealistic expectations. So do your selfcare guilt free, and order pizza for dinner, and take that extra long hot shower. You deserve to live guilt free. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    We all have mom guilt at some point. I don\u2019t know one mother who hasn\u2019t felt the pressure of balancing relationships, childcare, career, etc. and feeling that we\u2019re falling short of what\u2019s expected of us.   Guilt is a moral emotion that occurs when a person believes or realizes\u2014accurately or not\u2014that they have compromised their<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":20,"featured_media":3787,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,2],"tags":[1016,1017],"class_list":{"0":"post-3786","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-mom-moments","8":"category-parenting","9":"tag-mom-guilt","10":"tag-parenting-struggles"},"yoast_head":"\nThanks Tips... On Dropping the Mom Guilt - The Mabelhood<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Mom guilt- it's not your fault! 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