{"id":500,"date":"2020-02-17T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-02-17T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/staging.mabelslabels.com\/blog\/2020\/02\/17\/the-downfalls-of-attachment-parenting\/"},"modified":"2020-12-11T14:20:59","modified_gmt":"2020-12-11T14:20:59","slug":"the-downfalls-of-attachment-parenting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mabelslabels.com\/blog\/2020\/02\/17\/the-downfalls-of-attachment-parenting\/","title":{"rendered":"The Downfalls of Attachment Parenting"},"content":{"rendered":"

I am sitting in an airport lounge. Without my kids. It\u2019s cold and flu season. One of the twins might be suffering from appendicitis (or a bad pizza). Schools are on strike. And as I write this, my daughter will be waking up and coming to my bed to discover I\u2019m not there, for the first time in her life. I can\u2019t imagine the scene that will follow.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I am a bad mom.<\/p>\n

Leaving her behind isn\u2019t something I worried about when I broke the rules and let her sleep in my bed as a baby, something she\u2019s never quite grown out of. She was my last baby, and I had three other kids to look after\u2014I needed my sleep, even if it meant sharing my bed.<\/p>\n

With twins, attachment parenting was never even an option; they were lucky for whatever piece of me they managed to grab on to. And although my first son had all of me, particularly at the beginning, neither of us really seemed that interested. He\u2019s the one that called off breastfeeding at 10 months, not wanting to cuddle so much anymore. He didn\u2019t shed a tear on his first day at daycare; hell, he probably didn\u2019t even look back at me! I remember my mom telling me it was for the best, that it would be harder had he cried. I\u2019m not sure I believed her, but now that I\u2019m waiting for the call from my sister to turn the plane around and come back home, I\u2019m beginning to think she\u2019s right.<\/p>\n

Thanks to my business and my ability to work from home, my daughter and I have been inseparable since the moment she was born. My dad jokes about her being a thing that\u2019s grown onto my body, like an extra limb.<\/p>\n

And while my eldest throws out digs like, \u201cYou\u2019re leaving us,\u201d just because he\u2019s sore that he\u2019s not getting his beach holiday this year, it\u2019s my daughter that I\u2019m really worried about. She has a fit if I go grocery shopping without her; how will she handle 12 days in my absence?<\/p>\n

Attachment parenting is said to make children feel safe and give them an increased sense of security and confidence. That\u2019s all well and good, but what about when the person you\u2019re attached to is gone?<\/p>\n

The Atlantic<\/a> warns that attachment parenting can takes its toll in parents, and kids, putting kids\u2019 needs before parents and maybe even resulting in creating spoiled brats.<\/p>\n

But as Today\u2019s Parent<\/a> explores, attachment parenting is about more than catering to your kids\u2019 whims; it\u2019s about contact and connection and proximity\u2014and not just in the physical sense.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn infants and young children, this often means wanting actual physical contact, but as children grow, they can seek closeness with a parent in ways that do not necessarily involve being held or touched,\u201d Vancouver psychologist Gordon Neufeld, co-author of\u00a0Hold On to Your Kids<\/em>, says.<\/a><\/p>\n

I may not have been able to be as close to my twins as other mothers were with their babies, but I try to make up for it at bedtime. I give each one an extra long snuggle and let them share their day, ask questions and sing their favourite lullabies. I know we have this connection, even if they spent most of the time in a stroller or crib, rather than my arms.<\/p>\n

For better or worse, the boys are resilient; they\u2019ve learned to count on themselves. Which makes me think that maybe it\u2019s a good thing for my daughter that I\u2019m going away, after all.<\/p>\n

…<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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