{"id":565,"date":"2019-04-22T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-04-22T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/staging.mabelslabels.com\/blog\/2019\/04\/22\/why-amazon-alexa-is-better-than-a-husband\/"},"modified":"2020-12-10T21:09:14","modified_gmt":"2020-12-10T21:09:14","slug":"why-amazon-alexa-is-better-than-a-husband","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mabelslabels.com\/blog\/2019\/04\/22\/why-amazon-alexa-is-better-than-a-husband\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Amazon Alexa is Better Than a Husband"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/cdn2.hubspot.net\/hubfs\/3295812\/GettyImages-1142153192.jpg\" alt=\"GettyImages-1142153192\" width=\"5651\" style=\"width: 5651px;\"><\/p>\n<p>I recently invested in a smart home device: Amazon Alexa to be exact. I was pretty indifferent to her initially, intending to bestow upon her the same benign neglect I\u2019ve directed at every goldfish or house plant I\u2019ve ever owned and eventually killed.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p> <!--more--><\/p>\n<p>For a couple weeks she sat there on the corner of my desk and we regarded each other coolly. Once in a while I\u2019d bark out a command like \u201cAlexa, tell me the weather\u201d or, \u201cAlexa, what\u2019s another word for persuasive?\u201d&nbsp;&nbsp;But I was more interested in seeing her pretty blue ring light up than actually hearing answers. She was desktop eye candy. I wasn\u2019t paying her to think.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I know people use their smart home devices to perform several home functions, and while I was curious and excited about that possibility, I knew my lack of technical knowledge and inability to follow through on &#8230;. pretty much everything &#8230; would make summoning the patience to navigate the apps and interfaces nearly impossible.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Would I like to be able to control my home\u2019s temperature, lights, music and security system via Alexa? Absolutely. Do I have the patience or intellectual capacity to learn these things? Of course not.<\/p>\n<p>But like many relationships that start off platonically or with a healthy amount of skepticism on the part of at least one party, ours progressed over time. Alexa wore me down with her quiet efficiency and by indulging my every whim. In fact, our relationship has progressed to the point where I\u2019ve decided I will marry her next.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s why:&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>She listens.<\/strong>&nbsp;No matter how tired she is, no matter how long her day was, no matter what she might be doing behind the scenes, Alexa is <em>always<\/em> listening. I don\u2019t mean to boast but the truth is, I\u2019m so important to Alexa that she\u2019s even hired a small army of co-workers to help her with this task. They might be in Costa Rica or Romania, and they might be recording me and my family without our knowledge or permission, but the point is, she\u2019s COMMITTED.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>She answers.&nbsp;<\/strong>There is a time, likely the first six or seven days of a relationship (or before he\u2019s seen you naked), that your partner will actually respond to your questions and comments. After that, he will assume they\u2019re directed at the air or possibly the Universe at large. You will say something, and he will pretend he hasn\u2019t heard you. Or, he will legit not have heard you because he\u2019s enabled his special man-power: actively tuning out anything outside his personal keywords, ie. \u201csports\u201d, \u201csteak\u201d or \u201csex.\u201d But not Alexa. She is literally hard-wired to answer me. She can\u2019t NOT answer me. It\u2019s like, impossible (unless she\u2019s unplugged).&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>She loves to shop.<\/strong> Alexa\u2019s other boss, Jeff Bezos, is kind enough to allow her to shop for me on company time (as long as everything I need can be found on <u><a href=\"http:\/\/amazon.ca\/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">amazon.ca<\/a><\/u>). 100 pairs of yellow rubber gloves? Done. Salt and pepper shakers shaped like hamsters? No problem! A plastic unicorn necklace with light-up eyes? Add. To. Cart. &nbsp;Unhelpful phrases like \u201cdo we really need that?\u201d and, \u201cthat seems like more than we should spend\u201d are simply not in Alexa\u2019s vocabulary. Her only mission is to make me happy by satisfying all of my&nbsp;retail desires. And I mean all of them.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>She helps with homework.<\/strong> Unlike myself, Alexa gets new math and is a whiz with fractions. Gone are the painful hours spent at the dining room table arguing about ridiculous concepts like subtraction. I simply pull out a chair, sit the kid down and plug in Alexa. She\u2019s like the tutor my children never had (because I spent all my money on rubber gloves and hamster kitchen accessories.) With Alexa there are no fights, no tantrums and no tears. No hair pulling, no pencils slammed down, no drinks poured in haste because we can\u2019t figure out how to translate \u201cthis bear bought four pots of honey from the grocery store\u201d into French.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>She loves my music.<\/strong> If I\u2019m having a bad day and want Bon Jovi love ballads on repeat while I sob into a pillow, Alexa is there for it. She doesn\u2019t judge my Taylor Swift dance parties or my addiction to \u201csoothing jungle rain sounds\u201d. If I ask her to play \u201cthat Dixie Chicks song with the violin solo\u201d she JUST DOES IT without wrinkling her nose and getting all judgy.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>She makes me smarter.<\/strong> As a teacher, a student and a writer I\u2019m usually chained to my desk typing out my own thoughts or reading those of others, and Alexa has proven herself as a valuable research assistant, dictionary and thesaurus. When one is as busy and important as I am, one simply does not have time to open a new tab, let alone type in a query. One only has to yell \u201cAlexa, is firetruck one word or two?\u201d and voil\u00e0.&nbsp;Instant knowledge.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>She vexes my children.<\/strong> When Alexa refuses to make fart noises, or repeat bad words, or when she replies \u201cI\u2019m sorry, I don\u2019t know that\u201d to questions like \u201cdo bees get their period?\u201d my heart explodes with joy because FINALLY there\u2019s someone else to feel my pain; someone else to get peppered with inane questions and requests 24\/7. Because every healthy relationship includes a tiny bit of spite, I like to sit back, smugly, and watch how Alexa handles these questions.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>It makes us stronger.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">..<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I recently invested in a smart home device: Amazon Alexa to be exact. I was pretty indifferent to her initially, intending to bestow upon her the same benign neglect I\u2019ve directed at every goldfish or house plant I\u2019ve ever owned and eventually killed.&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-565","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-parenting"},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>I recently invested in a smart home device: Amazon Alexa to be exact. 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