{"id":6572,"date":"2025-08-26T14:52:28","date_gmt":"2025-08-26T14:52:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mabelslabels.com\/blog\/?p=6572"},"modified":"2025-08-06T19:12:39","modified_gmt":"2025-08-06T19:12:39","slug":"when-the-crushes-begin-talking-about-girlfriends-boyfriends-with-kids-aged-8-12","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mabelslabels.com\/blog\/2025\/08\/26\/when-the-crushes-begin-talking-about-girlfriends-boyfriends-with-kids-aged-8-12\/","title":{"rendered":"When Crushes Begin: Talking about Girlfriends &#038; Boyfriends with Kids Aged 8\u201312"},"content":{"rendered":"<h6 data-start=\"355\" data-end=\"392\"><em>\u201cMom, I think I have a boyfriend.\u201d<\/em><\/h6>\n<p data-start=\"394\" data-end=\"452\">Those seven words stopped me mid-sip of my morning coffee; I almost did a spit-take.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"454\" data-end=\"630\">My 9-year-old daughter had just casually dropped the bomb between bites of oatmeal, like it was no big deal. And to her, it probably wasn\u2019t. But inside my head? Full. On. Panic.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"632\" data-end=\"747\">Talking to kids about crushes&#8230;.What do I say? Do I act chill? Is this normal? Is she too young? Should I text the teacher? Am I overthinking this?<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"749\" data-end=\"901\">Spoiler alert: I <em data-start=\"766\" data-end=\"771\">was<\/em> overthinking it. But I\u2019ve learned a lot since that breakfast moment\u2014and if you\u2019re a fellow parent of a tween, this one\u2019s for you. Here is what I&#8217;ve learned since my spit-take moment:<\/p>\n<h3 data-start=\"901\" data-end=\"961\">What\u2019s Actually Going On? It\u2019s Not Dating, It\u2019s Imitating<\/h3>\n<p data-start=\"963\" data-end=\"1065\">Before we panic and imagine high school drama playing out on the playground, let\u2019s take a deep breath.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"1067\" data-end=\"1322\">For most tweens, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.fraser.org\/resources\/blog\/how-should-you-handle-your-childs-first-crush?utm_source=chatgpt.com\">\u201cdating\u201d is largely symbolic<\/a>. They&#8217;re mimicking what they see in older kids, on TV, or even at home. Having a boyfriend or girlfriend at this age rarely means emotional intimacy or physical interaction\u2014it\u2019s more about social currency.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"1324\" data-end=\"1372\">In fact, a 9-year-old\u2019s relationship might mean:<\/p>\n<ul data-start=\"1373\" data-end=\"1506\">\n<li data-start=\"1373\" data-end=\"1400\">\n<p data-start=\"1375\" data-end=\"1400\">Sitting together at lunch<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"1401\" data-end=\"1445\">\n<p data-start=\"1403\" data-end=\"1445\">Passing notes or texts (if allowed phones)<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"1446\" data-end=\"1475\">\n<p data-start=\"1448\" data-end=\"1475\">Playing together more often<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"1476\" data-end=\"1506\">\n<p data-start=\"1478\" data-end=\"1506\">Bragging rights with friends<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p data-start=\"1508\" data-end=\"1576\">It\u2019s a <em data-start=\"1515\" data-end=\"1524\">feeling<\/em>\u2014not a relationship in the way adults understand it. For my daughter, it looked more like standing in line together each morning (that&#8217;s it, no need to panic.)<\/p>\n<h3 data-start=\"1583\" data-end=\"1619\">Why Crushes Start Around This Age<\/h3>\n<p data-start=\"1621\" data-end=\"1700\">There are a few reasons romantic feelings tend to bubble up in the tween years:<\/p>\n<h6 data-start=\"1702\" data-end=\"1739\">1. <strong data-start=\"1709\" data-end=\"1739\">Increased social awareness<\/strong><\/h6>\n<p data-start=\"1740\" data-end=\"1909\">Kids in grades 3 to 6 are becoming more aware of social dynamics, popularity, and peer approval. Saying they have a boyfriend or girlfriend can feel like a \u201ccool\u201d badge.<\/p>\n<h6 data-start=\"1911\" data-end=\"1937\">2. <strong data-start=\"1918\" data-end=\"1937\">Media influence<\/strong><\/h6>\n<p data-start=\"1938\" data-end=\"2098\">Even kids who aren\u2019t allowed to watch rom-coms or teen dramas are picking up on the relationships they see in animated shows, and even age-appropriate Disney movies and shows still dabble in romance.<\/p>\n<h6 data-start=\"2100\" data-end=\"2132\">3. <strong data-start=\"2107\" data-end=\"2132\">Early hormonal shifts<\/strong><\/h6>\n<p data-start=\"2133\" data-end=\"2268\">While puberty tends to ramp up around age 10 and beyond, subtle hormonal changes can begin earlier, influencing emotions and curiosity.<\/p>\n<h3 data-start=\"2594\" data-end=\"2642\">What to Say When Your Kid Talks About a Crush:<\/h3>\n<h6 data-start=\"127\" data-end=\"180\">Firstly, Don\u2019t Make It Weird (Especially When It Isn\u2019t)<\/h6>\n<p data-start=\"182\" data-end=\"828\" data-is-last-node=\"\" data-is-only-node=\"\">One of the biggest things I learned, well before her cruch arrived: Don\u2019t assume it\u2019s a crush just because it\u2019s a friendship between a boy and a girl<strong data-start=\"222\" data-end=\"308\">.<\/strong> My daughter had a great friend who was a boy, and the minute an adult jokingly said, \u201cOoooh is he your boyfriend?\u201d\u2014you could see the energy change. It\u2019s awkward, it\u2019s embarrassing, and honestly, it sort of derailed what was a sweet, supportive friendship.<\/p>\n<p>If they haven\u2019t said it\u2019s a crush, <strong data-start=\"619\" data-end=\"642\">don\u2019t label it one!<\/strong> Kids deserve friendships that aren\u2019t immediately romanticized or sexualized by grown-ups who should know better. Let them have the space to define it themselves\u2014or not define it at all.<\/p>\n<p>However, if they&#8217;ve labeled it themselves&#8230;.<\/p>\n<h6 data-start=\"2644\" data-end=\"2678\">Start casual and curious<\/h6>\n<p data-start=\"2679\" data-end=\"2779\">\u201cTell me more!\u201d is often your best response. Resist the urge to laugh, tease, or react too strongly.<\/p>\n<ul data-start=\"2781\" data-end=\"2915\">\n<li data-start=\"2781\" data-end=\"2813\">\n<p data-start=\"2783\" data-end=\"2813\">\u201cWhat do you like about them?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"2814\" data-end=\"2870\">\n<p data-start=\"2816\" data-end=\"2870\">\u201cWhat does having a boyfriend\/girlfriend mean to you?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"2871\" data-end=\"2915\">\n<p data-start=\"2873\" data-end=\"2915\">\u201cWhat kinds of things do you do together?\u201d (This is the angle I took)<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h6 data-start=\"2917\" data-end=\"2961\">Keep it developmentally appropriate<\/h6>\n<p data-start=\"2962\" data-end=\"3154\">This isn\u2019t the time for \u201cthe talk\u201d about sex (unless they\u2019re asking). Most kids just want a little guidance and validation. You can normalize their feelings without turning it into a Big Deal.<\/p>\n<h2 data-start=\"3264\" data-end=\"3282\">When to Step In<\/h2>\n<p data-start=\"3284\" data-end=\"3385\">While most childhood crushes are harmless, there are moments when you should check in more seriously.<\/p>\n<ul data-start=\"3387\" data-end=\"3663\">\n<li data-start=\"3387\" data-end=\"3442\">\n<p data-start=\"3389\" data-end=\"3442\">Is there pressure from peers to be in a relationship?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"3443\" data-end=\"3516\">\n<p data-start=\"3445\" data-end=\"3516\">Is your child acting out of character\u2014anxious, secretive, or withdrawn?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"3517\" data-end=\"3589\">\n<p data-start=\"3519\" data-end=\"3589\">Are there signs of teasing, bullying, or exclusion related to crushes?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"3590\" data-end=\"3663\">\n<p data-start=\"3592\" data-end=\"3663\">Is anything happening online or via messaging that feels inappropriate?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p data-start=\"3665\" data-end=\"3779\">If any of these ring true, it might be time for a deeper conversation\u2014or to involve a teacher or school counselor. (Luckily, this wasn&#8217;t the case for me)<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-6559 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/mabelslabels.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/BlogAd-MiddleSchool-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"521\" height=\"521\" srcset=\"https:\/\/mabelslabels.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/BlogAd-MiddleSchool-1.jpg 521w, https:\/\/mabelslabels.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/BlogAd-MiddleSchool-1-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/mabelslabels.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/BlogAd-MiddleSchool-1-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/mabelslabels.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/BlogAd-MiddleSchool-1-175x175.jpg 175w, https:\/\/mabelslabels.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/BlogAd-MiddleSchool-1-450x450.jpg 450w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 521px) 100vw, 521px\" \/><\/p>\n<h3 data-start=\"3786\" data-end=\"3830\">Setting Gentle Boundaries Without Shaming<\/h3>\n<p data-start=\"3832\" data-end=\"3968\">If your child starts throwing around big labels or requesting \u201calone time\u201d with a crush, it\u2019s okay to set limits\u2014but do so with empathy. Try:<\/p>\n<ul data-start=\"3975\" data-end=\"4258\">\n<li data-start=\"3975\" data-end=\"4070\">\n<p data-start=\"3977\" data-end=\"4070\">\u201cYou\u2019re still growing up and learning about relationships. Let\u2019s keep things simple for now.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"4174\" data-end=\"4258\">\n<p data-start=\"4176\" data-end=\"4258\">\u201cYou can have feelings, but let\u2019s talk about what respectful behavior looks like.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p data-start=\"4260\" data-end=\"4341\">Remember: <strong data-start=\"4270\" data-end=\"4312\">boundaries should support their growth<\/strong>, not punish their curiosity!<\/p>\n<h3 data-start=\"4348\" data-end=\"4392\">Normalize Feelings\u2014and Keep the Door Open to Talk<\/h3>\n<p data-start=\"4394\" data-end=\"4527\">The best gift you can give your child is the confidence to talk to you about their feelings\u2014even the squirmy, awkward, fluttery ones. Let them know:<\/p>\n<ul data-start=\"4544\" data-end=\"4710\">\n<li data-start=\"4544\" data-end=\"4565\">\n<p data-start=\"4546\" data-end=\"4565\">Crushes are normal, but if all your friends have a crush, it&#8217;s also normal not to have one.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"4566\" data-end=\"4593\">\n<p data-start=\"4568\" data-end=\"4593\">Feelings can come and go.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"4627\" data-end=\"4669\">\n<p data-start=\"4629\" data-end=\"4669\">It\u2019s okay to like someone of any gender.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"4670\" data-end=\"4710\">\n<p data-start=\"4672\" data-end=\"4710\">You\u2019ll always be a safe place to land.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p data-start=\"4712\" data-end=\"4834\">If they\u2019re not opening up? Share your own stories of puppy love and early crushes. A little vulnerability goes a long way.<\/p>\n<h3 data-start=\"4841\" data-end=\"4913\">The most important thing I learned about my daughter&#8217;s crush:<\/h3>\n<p data-start=\"4915\" data-end=\"5067\">Childhood crushes aren\u2019t about lifelong commitment or drama. They\u2019re a <strong data-start=\"4986\" data-end=\"5021\">first dip into emotional waters<\/strong>\u2014a practice round for bigger feelings to come. By staying calm, curious, and connected, you\u2019re helping your kid build skills in communication, self-awareness, and empathy.<\/p>\n<p>After calling a friend, and fellow mom, she kept me calm and this one line changed how I saw it:<\/p>\n<h5 data-start=\"4841\" data-end=\"4913\"><em>&#8220;They&#8217;re Not Falling in Love\u2014They&#8217;re Learning About It&#8221;<\/em><\/h5>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"4915\" data-end=\"5067\">So no, my 8-year-old isn\u2019t really \u201cdating.\u201d She\u2019s exploring what it feels like to care about someone. To get butterflies. To giggle with her friends and maybe blush when he walks by.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"5005\" data-end=\"5103\">It\u2019s all part of growing up. And I\u2019m learning how to grow right alongside her\u2014one crush at a time. And that\u2019s something to feel pretty heart-eyes about \ud83e\udd70<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cMom, I think I have a boyfriend.\u201d Those seven words stopped me mid-sip of my morning coffee; I almost did a spit-take. My 9-year-old daughter had just casually dropped the bomb between bites of oatmeal, like it was no big deal. And to her, it probably wasn\u2019t. But inside my head? Full. On. Panic. Talking<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":34,"featured_media":6573,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[201,1468],"class_list":{"0":"post-6572","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-parenting","8":"tag-parenting","9":"tag-tweens-and-teens"},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Talking to kids about crushes<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Not sure how to handle your child\u2019s first crush? 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