![\"Flipping-the-Script-on-Self-Improvement_1mb.jpg\"](\"https:\/\/cdn2.hubspot.net\/hubfs\/3295812\/Flipping-the-Script-on-Self-Improvement_1mb.jpg\")
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It\u2019s January and our social and news feeds are full of ways to be better parents and better humans in 2018. <\/p>\n
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There\u2019s no shortage of advice about how to de-clutter, eat healthier, exercise more, be present and \u201cmake this YOUR year.\u201d <\/p>\n
As a mother of two young girls, my \u201cnew year, new me\u201d goals often revolve around parenting. September might be the time to start new daily habits and routines, but January is when I reflect on bigger picture things like how I\u2019m doing in life. <\/p>\n
This year I\u2019m focusing on consistency and saying and sticking to \u201cno\u201d more often. I\u2019m trying to be more comfortable with letting my kids fail and not trying to control every situation where disappointment and heartbreak are a potential outcome. <\/p>\n
You know, small stuff. <\/p>\n
Overall, when we think about resolutions and goal setting what we\u2019re really saying is \u201cI want to be better.\u201d <\/p>\n
And while positive change is a wonderful thing, when it comes to parenting I don\u2019t buy into the notion that moms are the ones who should be doing all the work and making all the changes. <\/p>\n
We often take it upon ourselves to make everything better and perfect. When something isn’t working, we are the ones to initiate change, which can leave us feeling like ogres, nagging and dragging the whole family along when it\u2019s time to do things differently. <\/p>\n
So in 2018, I\u2019m changing my focus from being a better mom to being a better family. I\u2019m going to flip the script and make us all accountable for positive change. <\/p>\n
For example: <\/p>\n
Instead of resolving to “yell less” I\u2019m going to “encourage better communication.”<\/strong> My oldest doesn\u2019t move until I\u2019ve asked her three times, minimum. Often the only way to get her attention is to raise my voice and that needs to change. Consequences for ignoring me, revoking of privileges, being late for soccer practice, these are all on the table because I\u2019m tired of being the bad guy. I\u2019ve heard that if you yell too much your kids will tune you out so I\u2019ll do my part by keeping my cool, and she\u2019ll have to learn to start listening the first time or experience the consequences. End result (I hope)? Better communication. <\/p>\n Instead of making myself bonkers searching out kid-friendly recipes, my kids will learn to eat what\u2019s on their plate, or go hungry.<\/strong> I want to be that mom, I really do. The one who seems to have Jessica Seinfeld on speed dial and can camouflage two pounds of zucchini in a brownie. But this is reality and I don\u2019t always have the time or energy to get creative. Plus, my kids are old enough to understand if you don\u2019t eat, you get hungry. So the choice is now theirs. I won\u2019t get pissy about unfinished meals because I\u2019ve done my part and put food in front of them. It\u2019s entirely up to them what they do with it. And if the uneaten portions show up in their lunchbox the next day, so be it. <\/p>\n Instead of trying to mediate when they tattle and fight, I\u2019m going to stay the hell out of it.<\/strong> When my kids start fighting or tattling, my first instinct is to sit everyone down and sort out what happened; an approach that has resulted in meaningful apologies and lasting peace exactly zero times. My intervention only adds fuel to the fire because someone inevitably feels she\u2019s being sided against. So unless a thoroughly egregious offence, like shaving the cat, has been committed, I will instruct my little darlings to figure it out themselves. I will remind them that they are smart and capable and able to determine right from wrong. And then I will go back to what I was doing (probably screaming into a pillow). <\/p>\n I can hear you rolling your eyes when you read \u201cencourage better communication\u201d or \u201clet them go hungry\u201d because I know it isn\u2019t easy, especially if your kids are young. Better communication with a toddler, you say? Listen to my kid cry for three hours because she\u2019s starving? Thanks for nothing. <\/p>\n But you can call it whatever you want and you can make these changes in whatever areas are appropriate for you. What matters is your perspective and how you come at the problem. What matters is not holding only<\/em> yourself accountable for change, or blaming only<\/em> yourself when things aren\u2019t working. <\/p>\n We all need to give ourselves a break and part of that is unloading some of the mental baggage that comes with being a parent. Taking a deep breath and acknowledging that you\u2019ve done all you can on a particular issue doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019ve given up on being better. <\/p>\n There probably isn\u2019t one person among us who doesn\u2019t want to be a \u201cbetter\u201d parent. But without concrete actions, \u201cbetter\u201d is difficult to measure and achieve. <\/p>\n So whatever it is you need to make life a little more manageable, make a plan and, when possible, get the whole family involved. Trust me, you\u2019ll feel \u201cbetter.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It\u2019s January and our social and news feeds are full of ways to be better parents and better humans in 2018.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-697","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-mom-moments"},"yoast_head":"\n