![\"negative-inner-voice_1mb\"](\"https:\/\/cdn2.hubspot.net\/hubfs\/3295812\/Imported_Blog_Media\/Negative-Inner-Voice_1mb.jpg\")
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I can tell when I\u2019m in a mental rut because my inner voice harps on me all the time. It defaults to a negative view of every action or decision I make. It chides me, questions me, mocks me openly. It also tries to convince me that others perceive me in the same disapproving way.<\/p>\n
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At morning drop-off, I start imagining that onlookers are thinking: \u201cYeesh, a ball cap again? Doesn\u2019t she ever wash her hair?\u201d<\/p>\n
When my son is upset and I\u2019m trying to help him calm down, I feel sure the prevailing bystander opinion is, \u201cUgh, that kid is a mess. He\u2019s obviously been too sheltered from the real world.\u201d<\/p>\n
Even when I go for a run, I\u2019m certain the people in passing cars are laughing openly at my plodding, tortoise-like pace.<\/p>\n
In fact, it was the running hang-up that led to a breakthrough. While I was driving, I saw a woman running on the path alongside the road. I didn\u2019t really take note of her face, her age or how fast she was going. My only reaction was to wistfully think: \u201cOh, I wish I were doing that right now.\u201d<\/p>\n
At that moment, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I wasn\u2019t judging the runner, her pace, her body shape or her outfit \u2013 all the things I imagined people were critiquing about me. I was admiring her ability to organize her life enough to be out there. I yearned to be doing the same thing.<\/p>\n
The wake-up call continued when I was grocery shopping and heard a toddler screaming. I didn\u2019t stare or have condescending thoughts of \u201cthat mother has no control over her child.\u201d My instinct was to look away and continue shopping, to give her some privacy to deal with the situation. My dominant emotion was sympathy, as I remember all too well how hard that stage can be. Again, there were none of the harsh, judgemental sentiments that I assumed were silently directed my way when I was in a similar position.<\/p>\n
Analyzing my own reactions showed me that people in the outside world likely don\u2019t have a problem with me \u2013 chances are, they barely notice me at all. All my negative perceptions were self-imposed. I needed to smarten up my inner voice.<\/p>\n
The notion of having a positive voice in your head \u2013 or self-talk, as it\u2019s also called \u2013 might conjure up the Saturday Night Live<\/em> skit called \u201cDaily Affirmations With Stuart Smalley.\u201d He was the guy who earnestly told himself: \u201cI’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it \u2013 people like me.\u201d<\/p>\n While Smalley\u2019s self-help guru character is intended to be exaggerated and comedic, the premise behind his \u201caffirmations\u201d has some actual merit. There are benefits to having an upbeat inner voice, such as higher self-esteem and a greater willingness to try new things. To be clear: I haven\u2019t authored a book on this subject and I have no expert qualifications. I can, however, share some simple suggestions from one parent to another, if you\u2019re looking to lift your mood or treat yourself more kindly. Here are some things to try:<\/p>\n Play the \u201cWhat would you say to a friend?\u201d game.<\/strong> If a friend admitted to feeling down in the dumps, you would immediately be encouraging and supportive. Unfortunately, we rarely show ourselves the same courtesy or forgiveness. Imagine what you\u2019d tell a beloved friend, then try to take the advice yourself.<\/p>\n Get some rest.<\/strong> Small problems often seem bigger when you\u2019re tired and worn out. Go to bed early or take some time to unwind and relax. Read, have a bath, take a walk, do yoga \u2013 whatever fills your bucket. You\u2019ll likely have better energy and a more positive outlook afterwards.<\/p>\n Put a positive spin on things.<\/strong> There\u2019s a great running expression that no matter how slow your pace, you\u2019re still lapping everyone on the couch. Remind yourself of the useful and important things you are doing, rather than the things you\u2019re not.<\/p>\n Reframe your decisions.<\/strong> For example, rather than feeling embarrassed about wearing a ball cap to hide my unkempt hair, I can remind myself that I didn\u2019t have time to brush it because I was listening attentively to my son as he opened up about a school-related worry. I can always wash my hair later, but I can\u2019t always be there for him.<\/p>\n Keep things in perspective.<\/strong> The stress of day-to-day life can be exhausting, but as my mom likes to say, \u201cit\u2019s better than being in the hospital.\u201d Try to remember that there are other parents and families who have to cope with more upsetting and challenging circumstances than yours.<\/p>\n Drown yourself out with music.<\/strong> Sometimes being alone with your thoughts can be a nuisance, especially if they\u2019re in a negative tailspin. Music can be a welcome distraction and an instant mood booster. I recommend a classic hit from a favourite boyband or something you know all the words to so you can sing along.<\/p>\n Start a \u201chappy file.\u201d<\/strong> When you receive a card, message or photo that warms your heart or makes you feel good about yourself, keep it somewhere special. Refer back to it on days you\u2019re short on confidence or feeling a little blue. You can also send a spontaneous message of appreciation to someone you care about, to give both of you a little pick-me-up.<\/p>\n These are just amateur ideas to help turn pessimistic self-talk into positive, productive thoughts. Hopefully you won\u2019t need to resort to talking to yourself in the mirror like Stuart Smalley, but if you do, doggone it \u2013 that\u2019s fine too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I can tell when I\u2019m in a mental rut because my inner voice harps on me all the time. It defaults to a negative view of every action or decision I make. It chides me, questions me, mocks me openly. It also tries to convince me that others perceive me in the same disapproving way.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,2],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-751","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-mom-moments","7":"category-parenting"},"yoast_head":"\n