![\"freaky-friday_1mb\"](\"https:\/\/cdn2.hubspot.net\/hubfs\/3295812\/Imported_Blog_Media\/Freaky-Friday_1mb.jpg\")
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This summer, our family conducted a Freaky Friday, reverse Leave it to Beaver type of experiment.<\/p>\n
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My husband had the summer off just as my work schedule ramped up so off he went to the cottage with our two daughters and two dogs for six whole weeks. During that time, I flitted in and out like Ward Cleaver.<\/p>\n
\u201cEverything good here? Yes? Super. Now someone fetch my slippers and pour me a scotch.\u201d<\/p>\n
My husband has always been pretty hands-on but this summer he took it to a new level: fun activities, play dates, healthy snacks, carpools and firm bedtimes were the norm. When our oldest started playing soccer he took her shopping for gear, coached her through her first game anxieties and FaceTimed me from the field.<\/p>\n
Let me be clear: I am not applauding my husband for being a good parent and functioning human. And I don\u2019t think so little of him that I need to celebrate every minor accomplishment. But since we became parents, most of the domestic stuff has been my responsibility, including child-care. I\u2019ve never been in the army (I\u2019m sure this shocks you), but I imagine my husband\u2019s experience was similar to basic training in that he needed total immersion to \u201cget it\u201d, to find his groove.<\/p>\n
When I arrived for my first \u201cvisit\u201d, it was nearly two weeks into their solo mission. I expected to find a sink full of dirty dishes, feral dogs and the girls running down our dirt road in their underpants. I expected my husband to high-five me on his way out the door and to not see him for several hours, possibly days.<\/p>\n
But none of this was the case and over the next several weeks I had the opportunity to sit back and watch what happens when you and your partner switch roles. Every day was Freaky Friday and honestly, it was the best thing that could have happened to us.<\/p>\n
Being the primary caregiver means your life is made up of invisible, almost indefinable rhythms and routines. We learn to act on instinct, anticipate mine fields and triage crises without even knowing we\u2019re doing it. Having distance from the daily grind, with only a low-maintenance cat to look after, gave me the chance to decompress, to take a break and (eventually) miss my kids. It allowed me to press reset on my mental health, to escape the minutiae of momhood that can make us all go a little insane after awhile.<\/p>\n
Some of the best parenting advice I ever received was to let my husband parent his own way. To accept that I won\u2019t agree with everything he says and does but to let him do it anyway. Yes, consistency is important but so is not critiquing, redirecting and contradicting. Most of us find it hard to see any criticism as \u201cconstructive\u201d when it applies to something we take very personally, like parenting. I\u2019ve learned to weigh the pro\u2019s and con\u2019s of offering my opinion because it\u2019s just that: an opinion, and most of the time the situation is benign so there\u2019s nothing to be gained from suggesting a different route. For most people a comment like \u201cI think you should do it this way,\u201d or \u201cI think you should have said this\u201d is akin to saying \u201cyou\u2019re doing it wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n
If my husband wanted to let our girls jump off a mountain in flying squirrel suits I would absolutely and emphatically object, but most of the decisions we make are not life and death. They are a matter of opinion and preference and the reality is that no one needs my input to survive, as much as I might like to think otherwise.<\/p>\n
As it turns out, I\u2019m quite happy to sit back and watch him plan a day or oversee the bedtime routine. I\u2019m also excellent at lying on the couch with a book and a glass of wine while he talks to our youngest daughter about an argument she had with a friend. Stepping back and letting him own it has been great for both of us. It even taught me a few things.<\/p>\n
Previously, I might have described my husband as \u201ctoo strict.\u201d But watching him set boundaries and stick to his guns, watching him tackle the issues I\u2019m often too tired to fight with the kids about, has given me a new perspective on discipline. He\u2019s less affirming and less nurturing but our kids respond more positively than I would have thought. Watching him explain and implement consequences has made me more confident in my own approach. I don\u2019t second-guess myself as much as I used to and knowing he\u2019s going to have my back makes it easier.<\/p>\n
For me, this experience was about stepping back and remembering to trust. For him, it was about understanding why I make the decisions I do, why I approach things the way I do. He\u2019s become more patient, flexible and empathetic, which makes him better attuned to our daughters\u2019 wants and needs.<\/p>\n
Our Leave it to Beaver summer was not a case of good cop learning to be bad cop, or bad cop learning to be good cop. It was about taking tag-team, play to your strengths parenting to another level where we actually learned from our partner\u2019s contributions; and I\u2019m pretty sure this will serve us well in the teen years when \u201cstop feeding the dog meatloaf under the table\u201d is replaced by \u201cstop coming home two hours late.\u201d When the problems, like the kids, have grown it will be even more important that we trust each other and work together.<\/p>\n
Now where are those slippers?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This summer, our family conducted a Freaky Friday, reverse Leave it to Beaver type of experiment.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-752","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-mom-moments"},"yoast_head":"\n