{"id":775,"date":"2017-08-26T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-08-26T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/staging.mabelslabels.com\/blog\/2017\/08\/26\/justin-bieber-helped-family-talk-mental-health\/"},"modified":"2020-12-15T19:39:17","modified_gmt":"2020-12-15T19:39:17","slug":"justin-bieber-helped-family-talk-mental-health","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mabelslabels.com\/blog\/2017\/08\/26\/justin-bieber-helped-family-talk-mental-health\/","title":{"rendered":"How Justin Bieber Helped Our Family Talk About Mental Health"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"gettyimages-619767220sm\"<\/p>\n

Thanks to Justin Bieber I have perfected a look that is part sulk, part confusion, part sex appeal. You know the look I\u2019m talking about it, the one he uses when he\u2019s being photographed in public or discussing calculus. I use it every time my husband wants to talk about money and honestly, I thought that was all I\u2019d ever learn from the Biebs.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Turns out I was wrong because when the twenty three-year old Canadian singer abruptly cancelled the rest of his world tour, including two Toronto dates, he gave me an opportunity to talk to my kids about mental health.<\/p>\n

I know it sounds weird but here\u2019s what happened:<\/p>\n

While the official reason for the tour cancellation was \u201cunforeseen circumstances\u201d subsequent speculation and comments by the Biebs himself indicate he was struggling with issues beyond set lists and popcorn sales. In a statement he released on August 2, Bieber wrote:<\/p>\n

\u201cMe taking this time right now is me saying I want to be SUSTAINABLE. I want my career to be sustainable but I also want my mind heart and soul to be sustainable. So that I can be the man I want to be, the husband I eventually want to be and the father I want to be.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Even though they didn\u2019t have tickets, it didn\u2019t take long for my kids to find out Bieber\u2019s shows were cancelled and pepper me with questions:<\/p>\n

\u201cIs he sick?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid his parents tell him he had to quit singing?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid he get arrested again?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNO!\u201d<\/p>\n

Mental health is not an easy topic to simplify and I am by no means an expert. But I do know it\u2019s becoming more and more common for young people to struggle. I think it\u2019s vitally important that we normalize the topic and some of the language so our kids can develop self-awareness, communication and coping skills.<\/p>\n

My daughters are seven and ten-years old, so I tend to describe mental health in over-simplified terms. While they don\u2019t entirely do the topic justice, such simplifications worked for me because they got us talking in ways that are age-appropriate and relatable. At this stage, my goal was to open the lines of communication, which is especially important with puberty looming like a freight train in the distance.<\/p>\n

I also want my kids to understand that it\u2019s okay to not feel happy all the time, that some sadness can be normal, and that talking to a trusted adult is always a good idea.<\/p>\n

To tackle this conversation, using the opening provided by the Biebs, I did what every mother who needs her children\u2019s undivided attention should do: I took them on a long, tablet-free car ride where there was nothing to look at but cows and trees. I asked them questions like:<\/p>\n

What makes you feel sad or angry?<\/p>\n

What do you do when you\u2019re sad or angry?<\/p>\n

Do you like to talk to mommy and daddy when you feel sad? Why or why not?<\/p>\n

What can mommy and daddy do to help you when you feel angry or sad?<\/p>\n

Do you ever feel sad or angry for no reason?<\/p>\n

What kinds of things make you feel better when you\u2019re sad?<\/p>\n

Is there anything you wish mommy and daddy knew about you? Is there anything you\u2019ve never told us or we\u2019ve never asked?<\/p>\n

Is there anything you\u2019re worried about that you haven\u2019t shared with mommy and daddy?<\/p>\n

When you\u2019re lying in bed and can\u2019t sleep, what do you think about? Are your thoughts mostly happy or sad?<\/p>\n

Is there anything you wish you could change?<\/p>\n

My questions weren\u2019t meant to be a diagnostic tool, I simply wanted to get the ball rolling; to let them know I am aware of and sensitive to their feelings and moods, and that I care about their mental health as much as I care about keeping them safe from cars and strangers. I\u2019m on them about brushing their teeth and hair every damn day so it was time to alter the script and shift my focus to include a different kind of care.<\/p>\n

I was intimidated at first, because I\u2019m not an expert and I don\u2019t have all the answers, but I didn\u2019t want that to hold me back from having the conversation, and I didn\u2019t want them to sense my anxiety, so I tried to just jump in without overthinking it.<\/p>\n

As we know, children will fill in the blanks themselves when they don\u2019t have all the information. Think back to everything you \u201clearned\u201d on the playground about sex, for example. Imagine if no one ever corrected those misunderstandings. (I for one would still believe that women get pregnant from French kissing.)<\/p>\n

The approach I used to discuss mental health with my kids may not be appropriate for all families. Everyone has a different frame of reference, different priorities and different ways of approaching challenging topics. But I think what<\/em> you say is less important than simply being there, asking and listening. If you want to arm yourself with some information and ideas, search online for \u201ctalking to your kids about mental health\u201d and get instant access to thousands of suggestions, or speak to your Doctor.<\/p>\n

Talking openly, even at a young age, gives us a chance to gently correct misconceptions. It empowers kids to ask questions, to demystify things they might be anxious or scared of, which is especially important if they\u2019ve experienced mental illness personally or via someone they care about.<\/p>\n

After my conversation with my daughters, I felt like I had a better understanding of their frame of reference around mental health and sadness. I felt like I\u2019d given them some tools, permission and encouragement to talk openly about how they\u2019re feeling, without the need to justify or explain. Most importantly, I\u2019d developed a road map to better and more proactively navigate future issues.<\/p>\n

And that makes me<\/em> feel better.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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