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Picture, if you will, the perfect mom. She isn\u2019t too young or too old, and her two beautiful children are the requisite 2.2 years apart in age. She\u2019s not too frumpy but also, not overly made up. She\u2019s dressed in comfortable yet stylish clothes, walking her carefully groomed kids to school (on time!) with her own hair pulled back in a neat ponytail. A healthy lunch is tucked into each child\u2019s monogrammed backpack, and later, she\u2019ll drive them to soccer or piano lessons in a gleaming white SUV.<\/p>\n
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At home, this mom continues to impress. She crafts, she pretends to be a princess or a dentist or whatever else her children have instructed, and she\u2019s a master Lego builder. Her smile never wavers and her voice is never raised in frustration. After feeding her kids a home-cooked meal, helping with homework and reading them a few stories, she\u2019ll tuck them lovingly into bed. Later, she\u2019ll bake muffins from scratch while humming a Disney tune. Her kitchen is always clean, despite the constant baking and cooking of scratch-made meals.<\/p>\n
This mom is a unicorn.<\/p>\n
Each of us does some of these things. Many of us do a lot of these things. But none of us can be all of these things all of the time, because the perfect mom doesn\u2019t exist (and even if she did, she\u2019d look different to everybody). This version of motherhood is rare, or even pretend \u2013 like I said, a unicorn.<\/p>\n
While motherhood is rife with judgement, there is also an underlying current of solidarity that pulls us through. Moms will confess to each other in hushed whispers on the playground, seeking acceptance in their shortcomings. \u201cMy kids haven\u2019t had a bath in three days,\u201d one will admit. \u201cMine ate McDonalds twice this week,\u201d another will add. \u201cI hate Calliou,\u201d they all say in unison, and then laugh. It\u2019s all normal and it\u2019s fine. No mom is perfect, we remind each other. Don\u2019t be so hard on yourself! What\u2019s important is that we love the shit out of our kids and they know it. The rest is semantics.<\/p>\n
And yet, even in the most welcoming of playground circles, there\u2019s one mom confession I always hesitate to make: I\u2019m not so great at playing with my kids. In fact, I\u2019m terrible at it, and more so (deep breath), I don\u2019t like it.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s clarify.<\/p>\n
I love spending time with my children. We go to the park, we cook and bake, we read books and go on endless adventures. I am constantly taking them hiking or berry picking or to museums, and we have a ton of fun together. I cherish every second with my kids, even when they\u2019re driving me insane, because I adore them.<\/p>\n
But I don\u2019t like playing with them.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t want to sit on the floor and play with dolls or cars. I have minimal interest in Lego. I\u2019ll agree to be the Mama Jaguar when they\u2019re playing Wild Kratts, but quickly note that Mama Jaguar can\u2019t crawl around right now because she\u2019s making dinner and has to empty the dishwasher so it can be filled again. Oh, and because I don\u2019t want to crawl around pretending to be a jaguar, to be honest.<\/p>\n
I love watching my kids play elaborate imaginary games and am genuinely interested in their impressive Magnatile creations. I\u2019m happy to play along when they pretend to be wizards or dinosaurs, as long as I don\u2019t have to pretend to be the same. I\u2019ll set out craft supplies at any given time, but for the love of God, don\u2019t make me do the crafts with them, because nine times out of ten, I\u2019d rather slam by head into a brick wall.<\/p>\n
Does this make me a terrible mother? No, probably not. But it makes me feel like one.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know why I hate playing so much. I\u2019m a creative person who grew up with the same wild imagination my kids have. I love art, do not hesitate to sing or dance around the house, and my children are the centre of my life. And yet, I cannot bring myself to walk around on all fours making snow leopard sounds because my children want me to participate in a game of Planet Earth (we watch a lot of BBC nature shows, so this is a central theme in my house).<\/p>\n
Maybe it\u2019s because I always feel busy, distracted by household responsibilities or tired. Maybe it\u2019s because I\u2019m not a particularly \u201csilly\u201d person and I don\u2019t fall easily into a childlike state of play. When my kids want to play a board game, I\u2019m all in \u2013 but put me in a room full of Barbies and I\u2019d rather be dead.<\/p>\n
A weird shame hangs around my ineptitude in this area, despite being a truly good mom by most standards. My kids are well loved, well cared for and totally happy. There is no lack of attention or affection, and they\u2019re free to play often. I encourage their play, and direct it to some extent. I just don\u2019t want to join in. So I worry that I\u2019ll be viewed as lazy, uncaring or ungrateful. As a bad mom. Despite having confidence in my parenting abilities, I know there are people who will judge me, and for some reason, I care.<\/p>\n
Plus, my kids keep asking me to play. I guess I haven\u2019t taught them to take a hint.<\/p>\n
So I give in and agree to be Mama Leopard or The Wizard Queen, putting in a half-assed effort before slowly making my way to my computer or the laundry room. And guess what? My kids keep playing and having fun without me, bonding with each other and entertaining themselves as kids should. I hear their giggles and laugh along as their roles become more and more ridiculous. Eventually, one of them will ask for a snack and by then, they could not care less that I\u2019ve backed out of my role. They\u2019re happy, and so am I. With just a touch of guilt.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Picture, if you will, the perfect mom. She isn\u2019t too young or too old, and her two beautiful children are the requisite 2.2 years apart in age. She\u2019s not too frumpy but also, not overly made up. She\u2019s dressed in comfortable yet stylish clothes, walking her carefully groomed kids to school (on time!) with her<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":15,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,2],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-778","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-mom-moments","7":"category-parenting"},"yoast_head":"\n