![\"Fatherly](\"https:\/\/cdn2.hubspot.net\/hubfs\/3295812\/Imported_Blog_Media\/Dad-and-Son-Hug.jpg\")
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There are things you take for granted, as a mother. Sure, much of motherhood is being taken advantage of \u2013 you\u2019re basically a food source, a chauffeur, a referee and a human Kleenex \u2013 but there are also hidden advantages. This is something I\u2019ve been thinking about lately as I watch my husband with our two kids, a son and daughter.<\/p>\n
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The love my husband and I have for our children is unconditional. They make us batshit crazy, but we love them more than anything and tell them as much. We would both be considered affectionate parents, hugging and kissing our kids throughout the day. My husband tells each child that he loves them before leaving for work, and I do the same when I drop them off at school. There are cuddles at bedtime, kisses for scraped knees, and general expressions of affection around the house. Pretty normal family stuff, right?<\/p>\n
So why is it, then, that I feel like I hold subtle privilege over my husband?<\/p>\n
It\u2019s because when I see my adult friends and relatives with their parents, there are noticeable differences in how they interact with their mothers versus with their fathers. Typically, I see people showing affection to their mothers, assuming there is a healthy relationship there. It doesn\u2019t matter if they\u2019re male or female \u2013 they\u2019ll hug and kiss their mom, say \u2018I love you\u2019 out loud, and continue along the path laid out in childhood. Mothers are sacred, and while there may be some rolled eyes in the teenage years, most people will offer (or at least accept) a hug from their mom.<\/p>\n
And then there are dads. In some families, dads exchange hugs and kisses with their adult children, regardless of gender. My family is like this \u2013 the men hug and kiss as much as the women do, across generations and with little exception.<\/p>\n
But more often, I see a divide. An adult daughter will greet her dad with a hug or a kiss, but the son goes in with a handshake, or that awkward half-handshake, half-shoulder tap thing that replaces hugging at some point during puberty. At some point, the hug disappears \u2013 but only for dad.<\/p>\n
My husband comes from a British family background. He and his father don\u2019t hug, though they see each other regularly and have a good relationship. They shake hands or simply say hello, and I\u2019ve always found it completely baffling. \u201cWHY DON\u2019T YOU HUG??\u201d I demanded, early on in our relationship. \u201cI don\u2019t know\u2026\u201d he replied, unconcerned. \u201cWe just don\u2019t?\u201d<\/p>\n
Mind-blowing.<\/p>\n
(It\u2019s definitely a gender thing, because my sister-in-law and I both hug his dad, and my husband hugs his mom. I don\u2019t know when the hugs stopped, or who initiated the first handshake. But whatever. They\u2019re all fine with it, so I let them live their lives and go on silently judging.)<\/p>\n
As you can imagine, my husband experienced a bit of culture shock when he met (and eventually joined) my family of man-on-man huggers and kissers. This was particularly evident when my tall uncle leaned over to peck my not-so-tall husband on the cheek and missed, accidentally planting a kiss on the side of his neck. It\u2019s been almost ten years, and he still references \u201cthe neck kissing\u201d. Truthfully, he\u2019s grown accustomed to all of this affection, including warm hugs from an array of grown men that he didn\u2019t meet until he was in his twenties. You\u2019re welcome, my love.<\/p>\n
So my husband\u2019s a hugger now, and says he\u2019ll hug both of our kids for as long as he lives. But I still feel privilege. I know deep down that my son will always, always hug me. I fully expect to be kissing him on the cheek when he\u2019s a teenager or a grown man, right up until the day I die. I\u2019m his mother. He\u2019s my baby. I don\u2019t want to be the creepy old lady from the Robert Munsch books who drives across town to cradle her adult son while he sleeps, but I would be devastated if either of my children started shaking my hand. GIVE ME A DAMN HUG! I\u2019m your mother, and OUR LOVE IS FOREVER, like in the book! Just less creepy, and without any midnight break-and-enters.<\/p>\n
The other day, my son was playing a game with my husband while I hung out nearby. They were cracking up about something that involved sabre tooth tigers (I don\u2019t know, it\u2019s their thing) and my son kept throwing himself into my husband\u2019s arms, laughing hysterically. \u201cYou have the best daddy ever, don\u2019t you?\u201d I asked him. My son nodded and wrapped his arms around my husband\u2019s neck. \u201cDadddddddyyyyy,\u201d he yelled, still in sabre-tooth-mode. \u201cI love you!\u201d<\/p>\n
And then he basically kicked my husband in the throat, but you know\u2026the sentiment was there, and so was the hug.<\/p>\n
I hope it always is.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
There are things you take for granted, as a mother. Sure, much of motherhood is being taken advantage of \u2013 you\u2019re basically a food source, a chauffeur, a referee and a human Kleenex \u2013 but there are also hidden advantages. This is something I\u2019ve been thinking about lately as I watch my husband with our<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":15,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,2],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-872","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-mom-moments","7":"category-parenting"},"yoast_head":"\n