There’s nothing like seeing your child’s face light up on Christmas morning. The gasp, the wide eyes, the scramble toward the tree, it’s pure magic.
For years, I loved labeling the biggest box “From Santa.” It felt right. After all, Santa is the symbol of generosity and wonder. I wanted my kids to believe that he could make anything possible.
But then, one December, something happened that made me rethink everything.
A Conversation That Changed Everything
After the holidays, my son came home from school quiet and confused. He told me his friend didn’t get any big gifts from Santa, just sweatpants, some chocolate, a lunchbox, and a book. “Why would Santa bring me an iPad but not him?” he asked. This friend had asked Santa for the exact same item.
My heart sank. His question was innocent, but it carried so much weight. How do you explain to a child that Santa isn’t unfair, that some families simply can’t afford big gifts, or that some parents need to make magic stretch as far as it can go?
That night, I decided that in our home, Santa would still visit, but the biggest gifts would always come from us.
Why It Matters More Than We Think
Research shows that holiday inequality can have a real emotional impact on kids. A 2023 Ipsos survey found that 38% of North American parents worry about affording gifts their children are expecting, and 41% admit to feeling pressure to keep up with other families.
At school, that difference shows up fast. Kids talk. They compare. And when one child proudly shares that “Santa brought me an iPad,” while another says “Santa only brought me mittens,” the magic can start to feel unfair.
Kids don’t yet understand economics, but they do understand kindness and fairness. And when the story of Santa starts to divide rather than delight, it’s time for a shift in tradition.
A New Way to Share the Magic
Here’s what many parents are now choosing to do:
| Gift Type | Label It From | Why It Helps |
|---|---|---|
| Large or high-ticket gifts (electronics, bikes, gaming consoles) | Parents | Keeps Santa’s generosity equal for all children |
| Medium gifts (toys, books, clothes) | Santa | Still keeps the magic alive |
| Stocking stuffers or treats | Santa | Easy, fun, and affordable |
| Handmade or sentimental items | Either | Personal and meaningful |
This small change keeps Santa magical but helps protect the feelings of all children—especially those from families who are stretching every dollar.
The Heart of the Holiday
When I first switched, I worried the magic would fade. But it didn’t. My kids still write letters to Santa, still leave out cookies and milk, still listen for sleigh bells.
The only difference is that now, when they open a big gift, they look at me and say, “Thanks, Dad!” That moment feels just as magical, maybe even more so, because it’s about our connection, not competition.
As parenting educator Dr. Deborah Gilboa explains:
“Kids learn values from how we give, not just what we give. The story behind the gift matters more than the size of the box.”
Keeping the Magic (and the Meaning)
You don’t have to cancel Santa to make this change. Just rethink how you balance the magic.
Here are a few ideas to try this year:
- Make Santa responsible for simple joys—stickers, a puzzle, a cozy hat, a book.
- Let your kids write to Santa about acts of kindness they did this year.
- Talk about how Santa’s magic works best when families help, too.
- Model generosity by giving back—through toy drives, donations, or volunteering together.
If you’d like to learn more about how income gaps affect kids’ perceptions of fairness, check out this thoughtful piece (where I initially learned the idea, but didn’t act upon it until it affected me) from Today’s Parent: “Why Santa Shouldn’t Bring Expensive Gifts”.
What I’d Tell My Kids (and Myself)
I’d tell them that Santa brings love, laughter, and surprises, but parents give the big things because they work hard to make them possible.
I’d tell them that some families celebrate differently, and that’s what makes Christmas stories so special.
And I’d remind myself that Christmas isn’t about proving our love with price tags. It’s about being together, showing care, and keeping the magic kind.
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Big gifts from parents help keep Santa’s story fair.
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Every family’s tradition is unique, and that’s okay.
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What matters most is connection, not comparison.
This year, let Santa keep his sparkle, but let parents keep the credit for the big gifts. Because the best gift of all is a Christmas morning where every child feels equally loved.
