When I gave birth via emergency C-section, I didn’t feel that magical rush of love everyone talks about; the one where you lock eyes and everything else fades away. A euphoric feeling of finally being complete, like I’d finally found the person who was always meant to find me. Instead, I felt…well, nothing. Detached. Overwhelmed. I remember they put my daughter on me and I thought, “Huh, that’s a baby.”
That thought made me feel cold, like I was failing before I even started. I knew I should feel something more, but I just didn’t.
That night, my mind raced with embarrassing, guilt-filled thoughts: Maybe I’m just not maternal. Maybe I shouldn’t have done this. Maybe I’ll never feel connected to my baby. I was ashamed to even whisper these feelings to anyone, convinced I was the only one who didn’t have instant love for their newborn.
But here’s the thing: it does get better.
The Science Behind Bonding
Bonding isn’t a switch that flips instantly—it’s a complex process shaped by hormones, birth experiences, and your emotional state.
Oxytocin, the so-called “love hormone,” plays a major role. During labor, oxytocin rises, helping with contractions and nurturing feelings of attachment. But in emergency C-sections—especially without labor—oxytocin levels may be lower, which can make that instant rush of connection less likely.
Cortisol, our stress hormone, can also interfere. An unexpected, traumatic birth can elevate cortisol, making it harder to feel immediate warmth or attachment.
So, if you didn’t feel an instant bond, it’s not because you’re a bad mom—it’s biology and circumstance.
Emergency C-Section and Bonding Challenges
Research shows that mothers who undergo emergency C-sections often face more hurdles in bonding compared to vaginal or planned C-sections. Common factors include:
- Delayed skin-to-skin contact: Immediate practices like skin-to-skin may be postponed, affecting early bonding.
- Heightened stress and trauma: The sudden, urgent nature of emergency surgery can make emotional connection harder.
- Hormonal fluctuations: Without labor, oxytocin release is less natural, influencing feelings of attachment.
When It’s Normal vs. When It’s Not
Normal delays in bonding:
- Traumatic or unexpected births
- Physical recovery and pain
- Hormonal shifts postpartum
When to seek help:
- Persistent detachment beyond a few weeks
- Struggling to care for your baby
- Signs of postpartum depression (hopelessness, guilt, lack of interest in your baby)
Finding Connection
I’ll be honest: the first days were rough. I felt guilty, like I’d failed my baby before I’d even held her. But slowly, with patience, things shifted. Gentle touch, talking to her, looking into those tiny eyes—it started to grow. And then, one day, I realized I was thinking about her all the time. I laughed at their little expressions, and I felt a fierce protectiveness; I began to love motherhood in a way I never imagined.
Now? I’m obsessed. I feel a bond that words can’t capture, and I’m proud of the mother I’ve become.
Tips that helped me:
- Prioritize rest, nutrition, and emotional support
- Engage in bonding: gentle touch, eye contact, singing (no matter how bad), or talking to your baby
- Seek therapy or support groups for postpartum moms
- Be patient with yourself—bonding takes time
Things I wish I knew: not feeling an instant connection doesn’t make you a bad mom!
Your bond with your baby will grow, sometimes slowly, sometimes in bursts, and it’s just as real as anyone else’s. Science shows that your feelings are influenced by hormones, stress, and birth experiences—not your worth or capability as a mother.
You’re not failing—you’re learning, healing, and bonding in your own time. And soon, like me, you might find yourself completely, overwhelmingly in love, with a connection so deep it surprises even you.
For more support, consider visiting Postpartum Support International or consulting a healthcare professional specializing in postpartum care.
