“I think I’m going to start calling you Mom” he said casually.
I lost my breath for a second.
“Why? I replied, almost begging to hear him say Mummy just one more time.
“It just feels weird to call you Mummy” he said. “I think I’m too old now” he continued matter of factly.
My first-born just turned 10. 10! It doesn’t sound very old, but he’s been in the world for an entire decade.
As brand new parents, we got to know him in the NICU. We met each other inside the walls of a hospital, with tubes and alarms holding us back from each other. The fear was so thick that we could barely breathe.
In those early moments of parenthood, I tried to imagine him growing up and I couldn’t. I wouldn’t allow myself. The complete and utter panic that enveloped me refused to let me think about the future. Instead, I focused on the what ifs.
What if he doesn’t make it through the surgery?
But he did.
What if he doesn’t make it through the night?
But he did.
What if he can’t speak?
But he can.
Here we are, 10 years later. He has grown into a wonderful, polite, respectful, caring young man. I feel so privileged to be his Mummy.
But now he wants to call me Mom.
When you are smack dab in the middle of parenting it’s all a blur. One day seems to melt into the next and you try your best to just keep yourself from drowning.
It feels like you have all the time in the world to do things. The house has to function. There are meals to be made, laundry to be done, lunches to be packed and permission forms to be signed. You have all the time in the world to sit and read books with your kids, to bake muffins together, to chat over a cup of hot cocoa.
I felt like I had all the time in the world.
Now he gives me the top of his head instead of a kiss. He plays road hockey with his friends after school. He hides his passwords.
He is growing up.
I miss the days when he snuggled in my lap, fresh from a bath and smelling of baby powder. I miss when he laid still beside me listening to bedtime stories, his breathing slowing as we went through each page.
I know that new adventures await us. Truth is, I’m excited to reach those new adventures. I’m excited to watch him learn the world.
There will always place in his life for his Mom.
I just wish that the place in his life for his Mummy would last a little bit longer.
